So have any of the parents out there ever heard of or used Love and Logic? It's a parenting philosophy/system aimed at teaching kids responsibility and self esteem through allowing them to experience the logical choices of their own consequences (age appropriate of course).
In short, you give a child a task they can do (make their bed, etc.), hope they blow it, lovingly empathize with their predicament and then let them try again.
In the book it sounds great. Takes away power struggles, reduces angry parents, lets the kid own their own problems, etc.
My frustration is trying to figure out how to apply this when there is such a lack of history and such defiance on AV's part. She is so sensitive to "anger" that when I use a stern, no-nonsense voice, she will litterally recoil back and then react with her own defensive anger. I don't see myself as yelling or being out-of-control angry, but she does.
So I'm seeking to change some of my skills to help her learn to grow. She uses being "afraid" of me as a shield to avoid the responsibility and consequenses of any given situation so if I can remove that shield, I'm hoping she can begin to learn personal responsibility.
This parenting stuff is not for the faint of heart!!!!