So I'm sitting here at work realizing how much I miss AV. Funny thing is, I really look forward to work because she is such a busy/demanding child. Just a month together and I miss her when we're not together. (All together now - Awwww).
I haven't written much because I have been so busy. I've got her schedule written out but I'm still trying to re-configure mine. Last week I think I left something at home almost every day - my breakfast, my cell phone, my brain, etc. I think Mommy needs to post a check list!
I also haven't written much because it's been such an emotional upheaval regarding whether or not AV will be with me long term. At first the social worker (SW) said she would be staying long term at my house and would I consider the possibility of adoption? Then the SW received an email from a previous foster family AV had been with for a year. The last the SW heard from them was they thought AV was great but they were not interested in adoption. Now the former foster mother is saying they would like her back. And the SW is inclined to move AV because AV has a stronger connection with this other family.
Here's the kicker though. AV left the family because the mother left for civilian contractor job in Iraq. She's not coming back until April 07. But she is returning home for a 2 week vacation in September so the SW will talk to the family more then. But AV left because the dad works rotating shifts and they couldn't provide supervision for AV. But now this former foster mom is indicating she wants to find a way to bring AV back.
And here's another caveat - things were not all honkey-dorey in this home. I'm in contact with another foster mom who has a child that was in this other foster home. And I know this former foster mom is under investigation. But my SW seems to just dismiss this fact. Grrrr! Even if AV does not stay with me, I will fight to keep her out of a home she does love but also fears.
This is really hard because she is my first placement. But honestly, I think I would feel less torn if AV had been a temporary placement. But now that she is long-term and then potentially adoptable, I feel like someone is threatening my child.
And, in the manner of many foster children, she is becoming more and more attached to me. We have lots of discussions on trust and will I be there for her and will I love her if she does _X__. And she's growing comfortable enough to tell me her secrets and to get mad at me. She got in semi-serious trouble for the first time this weekend and lost swimming privledges for a day. She didn't like that but her real issue was whether I would still love her and if the rest of the day would be miserable.
And last week she pitched a sulky fit as we were doing "Brain Power" (summer studies since she missed being enrolled in summer school) and lost her "good attitude" mark for the first time. After about 30 minutes she came to me and asked if I would love her even if she had "anger issues". I had to swallow a smile at her terminology as I solemnly promised to love her even when not pleased with the behavior.
So we are bonding and doing well. I just feel this black cloud looming overhead...