I was going to post cute Christmas and sledding pictures but AJ had an interesting melt down last night I thought I'd share. So here's the anatomy of a disturbed child's anger...
Message Number 1:
Note the use of my name instead of "mom". Sure sign that she's angry! I'm not quite sure what a fake person is...And the flip side of Message 1:
Note that the "say sorry" and "give attention" are her demands to me, not instructions to herself.Message 2:
Note the thinking process. I love this! She's really trying to figure out a way through her anger but doesn't quite make it.Message 3:
Ahh, sweet moments of sorrow and understanding.So the situation that triggered all of this was we were baby sitting a 7 month old infant. He was still here at 8:30pm and not at all ready to go to sleep and his parents were due in the next 30 minutes.
I tell my sweet daughter to get ready for bed because her bedtime is 8:30pm. She gets mad because she is older and should not have to go to bed before a tiny little baby. I refuse to change my mind or argue with her - she gets mad, begins to throw a fit and eventually chooses to not go to bed and sit in the door way of her room.
At this point I really need to brag on how far AJ has come and how good she really is doing. Even just a few months ago, AJ would have been thrilled to bring me the first two notes and demonstrate just how horrible she thought I was as a mother.
This time, she only brought me the third message! She wrote the first two in her room, worked through the feelings, figured out what was really bothering her, then brought me the apology letter. Yeah for AJ! She cried, we hugged, talked, snuggled and she was ready to go to sleep.
She brought me the first two messages this morning and explained that she had wanted to give them to me but she heard God tell her not to do it and she listened. Whooo hoo!
She had consequences this afternoon (when you throw a fit it takes energy out of the house so you need to do cleaning chores to help put energy back into the house) and did a very good job and had an excellent attitude the whole time.
She really has come so far - easy to forget when she pulls old stunts or I find ourselves going over the same ground. What a kid!
And because I can't resist... cute sledding pictures...
5 comments:
AJ looked like she was having so much fun sledding! Glad to hear things are going better for you. Hope you have a happy 2009! Jenn
Hey. First, I am glad you posted. Second, I am glad AJ only brought you the third letter. It makes me sad that she is jealous of the baby when he isn't even yours to keep! Poor thing. Hang in there, you are doing an awesome job!
Welcome back, I'm so glad to read your blogs, so I can keep up with what's going on. I'm sure that AJ's very trying at times, but you have to remember the long road she's already traveled and that she's a normal, typical kid. All kids pull stunts like that - even those from a "normal" family situation, I should know. Hang in there, your doing a great job and she'll thank you, way down the road, when all of a sudden these "grown kids" realize that their parents weren't wrong after all.
Love and hugsssssssssss to you both!
Jeanette
Dana your doing a great job. I think the patience you have is just what AJ needs to slowly move through all the things that haunt her. She has been truly blessed to be given a mom like you.
". All kids pull stunts like that - even those from a "normal" family situation, I should know."
Ha, Thanks for the laugh Jeanette! Marty didn't think it was funny at all but oh I got a good belly laugh.
Marty just told me of a time when either Damon or John wrote "I hate mom" up in the rafters of the house. He said he remembered Jeanette found it and whoever it was, got in BIG trouble. hehe
Then he started laughing!
1. Go to your 4th folder where you store your photos.
2. Select your 4th picture (no exceptions)!
3. Post the picture with an explanation and link it back to your tagger.
4. Tag 4 people to do the same!!
Jenn tagged you.
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