I don't get her

AJ get frustrated VERY easily. When confronted with any new task she immediately says she can't do it, gives up, and walks away. If pushed a bit she gets frustrated, defensive and angry. If cajoled, teased, mollified, encouraged, persuaded, etc she might try but still with lots of frustration.

For example, AJ has been playing violin since Sept. She loved playing in her Christmas concert and performed very proudly for the family on Christmas day. Well, now it's time to learn new songs. Instead of being eager to learn something new, she "practices" all the old songs. When I sit down with her and break down the new songs note by note (let's just play this first note, D. OK let's just play the second note, E) she becomes hostile, disrespectfully and bit verbally abusive.

this is not ok behavior in my book. I get that learning new stuff is hard. I get that it's frustrating. I even get that she has self-esteem, self-concept issues. But to not even try? That I don't understand.

Today we went over to my parents house to clean. AJ was vacuuming. The study had a bunch of books of the floor so she skipped it. And when I asked her if it was done she lied and said she did it. And when I showed her why I new she was lying (obvious dirt still on the carpet, no vacuum tracks), told her I wouldn't be mad and invited her to just say she hadn't done it yet she yelled and stormed about proclaiming her innocence. Difficult task = no trying and lying about it.

I'm really at a loss about this. Even the neurophsychologist who just did a bunch of testing on her called her "rigid". Learning how to approach new tasks is a fundamental skill. How I'm going to help her learn this without loosing my cool or my mind remains to be seen.