My new favorite blog

I just *love* this guy! The videos are hysterical!

Winter-Breakup-Summer (that's it)

This is from my friend over at Aack. Believe it or not, this is a great lawn for playing croquet in the summer. Ya gotta love breakup!

Little Lost Girl - Update

I saw the mother and the little girl bringing in laundry and wandered over to the apartment. I introduced myself and they said thank you again. Turns out they (mom and dad-the young guy I saw) have young twins - maybe 12 months old. The whole family was asleep. The little girl woke up and just decided to go outside. The dad said they lock the door now.

Of course, I always lock the door... but now I'm sure they always will! So it sounds like one of those innocent things that just happen when you have kids!

Don't know who said it but it's great!

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, margarita in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming – WOO HOO! What a ride!”

Disapointment/Depression

I've realized something. Probably something you already knew. But still, it was new to me so it's significant.

I was driving home and I started feeling IT again - the darkness, despair, loss of hapiness - Depression. OMG, I thought, I'm starting to spiral down again.

And then it came - this great, glorious epiphany - I wasn't depressed - I was disappointed!

Now this may seem quite odd to be so excited about being disappointed. But for the first time ever, I looked at the familiar feelings and realized they were not indicative of a past recurring. They were just similar to another, heretofore unrecognized, emotion - disappointment.

I previously purchased some great prints at a 90% off store closing sale. I had been watching the paper for a framing sale at Michael's. The long-awaited ad came out Sunday. So I showered, gathered a few prints and went to the store. Sad to say, even at an awesome 70% off sale, it was still out of my budget. Very hard to deal with because I reallllly want to put up those prints. But I had also just done my checkbook and realized I needed to live more within the budget and less with the plastic.

So here I am, driving home, dealing with the age old conflict of desire vs. responsibility. And it hits me - I'm disapointed with the results of this trip.

And I continued driving home happy as a clam that I had an epiphany about disapointment. =-)

Little lost girl

Last night, about 10:30pm, my roommate took the dogs out for a final bladder check before bed. She comes rushing back in saying there was a little girl wandering around on the lawn.

Now, my roommate is prone to drama so I was sure she had seen a child but just hadn't noticed the parent. But, being the good roommate I am, I leave my TV show (Grey's Anatomy - great show) and wander outside.

Sure enough, there's a little pixie of a girl standing on the lawn. I look around, no adult in sight. I went over to her and she wasn't in any distress. But she was a bit disoriented, wearing her nightgown, blankie and what looked like princess dress-up shoes.

I asked her where she lived and she pointed to a apartment about across the parking lot - a substantial ways away if you are three (or so), traveling in the dark in your princess dress-up shoes.

So I picked her up and she directed me home. I asked if she was ok, if there was something bad at home, etc trying to find out why this tiny child had wandered away. She was completely nonpulsed, readily gave me her name and her mommy's name.

So we reached her apartment and the door was wide open, all the lights off. I shouted "hello" and rapped on the side of the wall a few times trying to get someone's attention. Finally a young guy came down the hall and I heard a female waking up in another room. The little girl had walked into the woman's (mom's?) room on her own. They guy sort-of blurted out a thank you as he was looking into the woman's room. I asked if everything was ok - he said yes. So I left.

Everything seemed to be fine. I left but since I've wondered if I should have done/said/asked more. I hate to be a bother or seem to be judging a good parent but it would kill me if something was wrong and that child needed help that I didn't provide. I've thought about knocking on the door today to see if things are ok....

I wondered if the little girl was maybe just sleepwalking? She certaintly wasn't upset about being outside in the dark....

Memory.....

For the life of me, I can't remember if I put soap in with the first two loads of laundry....

We just had a great rain storm here. Rolling thunder, flashes of lightning, the sound of pounding rain... It was great! 

Dream House

Isn't this the greatest looking tree house? I would have totally *lived* up there as a kid. Maybe as an adult too! =-)

Remember this nifty blue? My dad has a 1969 trailer on the property currently storing tools, etc. The stove and sink are this great color. 

Withdrawal Hell

OMG - I thought I was going crazy again. I've been tapering off my meds and thrilled that I was doing so well and very much looking forward to being med free and happy and healthy.

I've hit the lowest dose of Effexor XR and these past few days I thought I was becoming crazy all over again... anxious, shakey, nervous, flighty, weepy.... So I caved and called my doc. She said I wasn't having symptoms again - I was going through discontinuation syndrome. She said it was horrible and awful and normal. The discontinuation syndrome is actually worse at the lower doses. Yeah! I'm not going nuts!

This from Wyeth (Effexor makers)
Adverse events have followed the discontinuation of EFFEXOR XR, like those seen with the tricyclics and SSRIs. The most common events after discontinuation of EFFEXOR XR (at an incidence >3% and >2x that of placebo) were dizziness, dry mouth, insomnia, nausea, nervousness, and sweating. It has been suggested that these phenomena may be attributed to serotonergic mechanisms in certain patients.

Jeepers! Withdrawal symptoms are worse than the depression that caused the need for the med in the first place!

And from another website...
Cons: The absolute worst discontinuation syndrome of an antidepressant. Effexor (venlafaxine hydrochloride) is a medication people utterly loathe to have taken. It is not uncommon for someone to change doctors during or immediately after Effexor (venlafaxine hydrochloride) discontinuation.

Effexor's Not So Common Side Effects: Increased or lowered blood pressure, sweating, farting, anorexia, twitching, shock-like sensations.

But the most disturbing freaky rare side effect with Effexor (venlafaxine hydrochloride) is what Wyeth disingenuously calls "withdrawal syndrome," that once you acclimate to Effexor (venlafaxine hydrochloride) you are basically hooked for life. The discontinuation syndrome never goes away if you try to stop. For someone with unipolar depression that's a pain in the ass, but something you might be able to work around barring any really adverse side effects, but for someone who is bipolar you can be royally screwed because Effexor (venlafaxine hydrochloride) can really aggravate mania and especially rapid cycling.

And I can now attest to all of the above symptoms (well, except for the anorexia-like symptoms which I wish I had!)

I hate it but I'm so relieved to know what's going on.

 

They call it cheddaring..

I toured the Darigold cheese making factory in Sunnyside, WA. It was interesting and I love "squeeky cheese" aka cheese curds. But for crude humor I couldn't resist this photo.

My future home?

This is the view of a corner of my mom and dad's property...which they've subdivided...and mentioned as gift/inheiritance for their children...

I love the little hollow this makes (look at the middle left of the picture - dry grassy area - not green). The hill makes me feel safe and secure. I can totally see a medium-ish, two story house with a big porch, fenced green lawn and garden on the side. Kids in the backyard... A apple and cherry tree, a square of grape vines... Growing my own fruit in my backyard - how cool would that be?!

Goat Head

Here's a clearer picture of the nasty goat head still on the vine.

Devilish Burr

I know this is blurry but I just had to share the new found knowledge of goat heads. These nasty little seeds fall off the plant and get super hard. They puncture tires, dog paws, flesh... And they're all over my dad's property. They blend into the dirt and grow prolifically.

Prosser Property

My mom and dad's property in Prosser, Wa. The white tubes are irrigation - which my dad had put in himself. This area will be grass and eventually have a couple cows and some horses. I'll post another picture when there's a house!

Day with Dad

I had a great day today. I went with my dad out to their property in Prosser. We did a bit of surveying - something I haven't done with my dad since I was 12!




After the surveying we drove along the back roads to Yakima to a popular local burger joint called Miner's. Killer chocolate milk shake! Then lots more driving around and looking at the country and learning about the new place I live in.

Birthday Presents

Remember the birthday piggy banks? Just thought you'd want to see them. I think they're adorable!

Help!

I need to find a very supportive, nice looking sandals to wear to work. My feet get hot really quickly so I need sandals. And my foot has an old injury so i need support. The cheap sandals from Payless Shoes are just not cutting it!!

Any suggestions are much appreciated.

Front view

Bossco requested some photos of my current diggs and surrounding. So here's the first of several I'll post. This is the view outside the LR window. It's so great to watch kids play on the playground!

BTW - sorry for the fuzzy picture. My camera is giving me fits!

Poco un poco

Last night was a turning point - my legs were just way too weak. Which means it's time to finally do something.

So this morning I went to the tiny workout room at the apartment complex and did 15 minutes on the treadmill and bike. Now admitedly 15 minutes is not alot but it's a whole heck of a lot more than I've done in the past few years!

And I'm going to check into weight watchers...

Geesh - all this recovery is going to give me a complex! =-)

Questionable Look

OK - so I'm up early because I have a meeting at work with the negotiations lawyer. I'm dressed and back in front of the bathroom mirror putting on my makeup. My lovely roommate pads by in her bathrobe and oversized fuzzy kitty slippers.

RM: Aren't you going to work today?

Me: (are you insane?! why else would I be up this early?!?!?!) Umm, yeah?

RM: Well I was just wondering. Usually you wear something pretty.

Me: (glance up startled and look at her via the mirror)

RM: I mean, not that that's not pretty...... (mumbles and moves away)


OK - I'm wearing a brushed silk outfit of navy pants and a coordinating navy and lavender top. I even wore the right underwear to avoid the panty lines! I may not look damn good but I look fine (I even checked with two co-workers this morning just to be sure)!

Not quite sure what fashion standard she compared my outfit to but a weird way to start the day.

Gaaagk!

OK so I hunkered down to do my taxes for the first time on my own. I used TurboTax and OMG - such a good way to go. It's taken me 8 hours, mostly spend correctly categorizing my business expenses for schedule C. I got my chart of account set up a few weeks ago but hadn't gone back and re-categorized the very generic "business-expense" items.

So in the end I have 10 pages consisting of:
1040
Schedule A
Schedule C
Form 8283
Form 8829
Form 4562

Right - like I would have been able to do that on my own!

At least I got a refund! =-)

She's here!!!

Cadence Lynne
Born: 9:55 p.m., 8 April, 2005
Weight: 7 lbs., 8 ozs.
Length: 21 1/4 in.

I'm soooo excited she's here! And very jealous my mom is down with my brother and sister-in-law instead of me.

My new niece

Here's Cadee with mom Nikki. Both are doing fine.

Suprised

I just tried to call the Big Brothers Big Sisters organization to see about volunteering only to discover there's no chapter in my entire area. That really shocks me. I though for sure there would be one...

Now I have to find some other way to connect with a child...

In Trouble

Ashamed to say I received my first every employment discipline write up today. For being tardy. And my boss said it could effect my continued employment here. Said he couldn't understand why I couldn't be on time - I set my own hours after all.

Me - I don't know why I can't be on time. Laziness? Bad habits? Meds? I have a lot of problems in the morning with waking up and for a long time I know my medication has been a significant factor. I've weaned myself down to really low doses so is that still a factor?

I haven't had anxiety/depression problems in a really long time. I guess the potential is still there. Do I claim ADA reasonable accomodation as a way to explain/get off the hook? Given my history I could ask for a reasonable accomodationas a flex start time but should I really? Is this what I need or do I just need to be more disciplined? Should I tell my boss what's really going on e.g. give a brief sketch of my mental health background? Just keep it all under wraps and work to make it to work on time?

Any ideas and suggestions are appreciated. What I've tried: trying to stick close to the same time schedule on the weekends, setting my house clocks/watch forward by 5ish minutes, moving my alarm clock, setting the alarm earlier, berating myself for being late, skipping shower/breakfast/etc to get out the door...

Guess I don't get to ask for all my great requests at my 90 day review...

The ring

So way back in June of '04 my former husband and I were still together. He was saying something about leaving but I was in firm denial. Anyway, I went to my mom's and helped cook dinner. I took off my wedding band and put in in her convenient ring holder by the sink.

A few days go by before I make it back to retrieve the forgotton ring. Only Mom went on a cleaning spree, didn't see my wedding ring and dumped the contents of the ring holder in the trash. Much looking and dumpster diving but it was gone. I cried.

So D is still here and I decide I want another wedding band. Something cheap. He says he's leaving but I want to show I'm still married. D agrees to go looking with me. We find a nice band at Zales for under $100.

Fast forward. Now divorced, definately not wearing the substitute ring.

Found the ring again and thought I could take it to a pawn broker and maybe get $20. so put it in the change pocket of my purse. Carry it around for weeks being abruptly reminded of my new single status every time I get change.

So I'm driving the highway home one evening at 70mph and I'm struck with a thought - I'm going to chuck the sucker out the window.

And so I do and grin all the way home.

Homer Spit, where I can sit and dream a bit

I was recently trying to explain that a "spit" is a real geographic term. If only I had had this niftly sattelite photo to use as a visual aid. Homer, Alaska - where I grew up.

Thanks to Valette for letting me know about sattelite images in Google maps.

Things they don't tell you in school

So I went to Portland with my boss and another manager. Very nervous about a three hour car trip iwth the boss so I bought a CD player. Didn't use it on the way down - didn't feel comfortable. I did use it about 30 minutes into the ride home.

My boss frowns into the back seat then smiles and asks what I'm listening to. I told him. Then a business conversation started so I turned it off and didn't turn it back on. Way to weird.

It is apparently better to listen in silence and boredom that be potentially rude and listed to a CD player.

First Time

I can now add Oregon to my small list of states visited (including Washington, Alaska, Vermont, Texas, Ohio, New Mexico and a bunch when I was 4).

We drove to Portland through the Columbia River gorge - it was beautiful! I definately have to go back just to see the sights.